Hard to Swallow

When the Lord's will is different from what your heart desires it is sometimes hard to swallow. I've been praying for months not to have another UC flare. BTW If you get tired of reading about my UC you might as well quit reading now:) While in Slovakia I started having another flare. It was pretty mild at first but has now developed into my worst flare yet! I went to the doctor today to get checked out. I am back on prednisone (joy!) as well as a couple of other medications to try and get everything calmed down. He also thinks I might have C. Diff. which is a bacterial infection. So I am being treated for that as well. This is very hard for me. I'm struggling to worship the Lord. I feel abandoned. I feel like he wants me to suffer. Why couldn't he just heal me? Why me? I know this may be dramatic but these are my real feelings today. I almost feel too tired to pray. If I pray, will it make a difference? I know that these are lies from this world. It is so hard to overcome the patterns of this world sometimes. I am writing this so that you will pray for me. For healing. For mercy. For joy. For truth to fill my heart. Thanks:)