The Battle

My last three months have been a raging battle. A fight for not only my physical health but also my spiritual health. I'm going to start with the physical battle first.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I was a freshman in college. I was told that it was fairly common among people my age and it seemed that the inflammation was mild. I had very few problems with my UC. UC is rarely a fatal condition. The disease causes the large intestine to become inflamed and actually bleed. It causes cramping which means going to the bathroom several times a day. It is more annoying than anything else. I had a flare in Slovakia in 2008 but that was my only flare until this year. In September, I started having symptoms. I had a flare that lasted until mid-October. I was put on Prednisone and that seemed to do the job quickly.

December 26, 2011. That was the day it started. I started having symptoms again. I was pretty calm. I knew that Prednisone had worked in the past and I would just start taking it again. Several days went by and I saw no change. In fact, it was getting worse. My doctor kept increasing my dosage of Prednisone.If your wondering why I look like I've gained 20 lbs in all of my pictures, this is why. Prednisone causes water retention. Most of it went to my cheeks:) Weeks went by with no improvement. I started to become anxious. What if nothing works? What if I die? I have a lot of issues with anxiety but I will get to that later.

One night I came home from work and had a large amount of blood. I began to sob. Bradley held me as I called the doctor who was on call. He basically told me that it could be worse and I needed to just wait until Monday when I would see my doctor and have a procedure done to see what was going on.

The doctor saw during the procedure that the inflammation had spread higher up. It was more moderate than mild. It was mid-February by this point. Slowly my UC got better. Eventually everything was back to normal by the end of February. Seems like everything worked out right? Right now I am still battling medications and my UC. There doesn't seem to be a medication that works for me. My body violently rejects the medications used to treat UC at this point. The real battle here, however, is not my health. It was my relationship with God.

When my flare started, I was calm. Not because I trusted the Lord. I had faith in man. I thought it was nothing too big for my doctor or me to handle. As things got worse, I realized things had gotten too big for my doctor and too big for me. I began to panic. I would cry and shut down completely. One of the most awesome things about my God is that he never leaves. Even when we doubt him and leave him, he doesn't go anywhere. He began to reveal his faithfulness to me. He led Bradley and I back to Elevation Church. We had left for a little bit but it was clear he wanted us back there. I was fed spiritually. The Lord spoke clearly to me through Pastor Steven each week. He encouraged me to be proud and honored for the role the Lord had given me in this life. I was made to glorify to the Lord. My weakness only allowed for God to show others what he can do. He certainly doesn't need me to do this but how cool is it that he would choose me to glorify himself. I can't say that I prayed without ceasing and he healed me of that flare. I didn't do anything worthy of his healing. I often thought I could. Maybe if I prayed and trusted enough he would. These were lies from the evil one. I believe that's why it lasted so long. The Lord had to show me that it had nothing to do with what I was doing. We have an awesome God! I learned new things through my pain. Was it a lot? Not compared to how big our Lord is. One big thing I did learn was that I am a lot like those Israelites who wondered in the wilderness. The Lord has shown his sovereignty to me over and over again in my life and yet I doubt he is capable. I still have more to share about anxiety but I will save that for my next post. The Lord urged me to share this story. I hope you enjoyed:)