It's August. I've been dreading this month. I hoped for a miracle. It didn't come. Well, at least what I wanted to happen hasn't happened. So what is it? A baby.
Last August we started trying. I knew it could take a few months but the months kept going by. Nothing.
It hurts. Bad. Watching so many friends experience this miracle in their life and then multiple times. Why me? Haven't I been through enough? These are some of the questions I've been asking in the past couple of months.
Of course I've been to the doctor. He was so nice and understanding. I assumed they would make me keep trying for longer before they would do anything. Long story short, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Along with about 1 in 10 women. I love science so I've been studying it nonstop. Basically it's something that was made way worse when I was pumped full of steroids and gained some fluff during my lovely flares. Enough of that. Let's get to the important part.
Back to the why me? I don't have an answer for that. But, I have had that question before. More than once! And it usually ends with my "major" event glorifying God on levels I'm sure I don't understand. God loves to make me sit back and watch. He always has, from a dying dad to being jobless a week before we got married. From impossible flares to providing a godly husband. He loves making the impossible possible in my life.
Many times before I lacked the faith that he could do it and that he has a plan for my life. I'm approaching this differently. I'm going to go back to Bethel like Jacob did. I'm going to remember that the Lord is good. He is faithful. I'm expecting something big. He has done it before.
I debated whether or not to expose this to the world. Is it too personal? Too weird? Well, I decided to share anyways. I have a feeling there are others out there in impossible situations. We need to stick together and encourage each other. So, it's done!
