He's In The Waiting

     So this summer has not been nearly as restful and rejuvenating as last summer. As I pack things and begin to stage our house to go on the market, I'm listening to "Take Courage" by Bethel Music. A lump in my throat and tears begin to form. I feel the spirit prompting me to write. So here it is. Here I am again. Waiting. If you've known me for at least 3 or so years, you know that Bradley and I had a difficult time getting pregnant with our miracle, Lillie.
     After an intense infertility battle we found out that were expecting Lillie on July 4th, 2015. Fireworks were literally erupting outside of my window as the second line appeared. This year, I can hear fireworks but they are a reminder this time. A reminder that God is faithful. Faithful in the moments of victory and faithful in the moments that seem like defeat through my worldly eyes. You see, we decided to try to have a second baby. The OBGYN said to give in a whirl naturally. My body quickly showed signs that it wasn't going to cooperate. So we found ourselves back in the fertility clinic. This July 4th, we will be accepting the fact that our first fertility treatment failed. Wondering, will one ever work again? Some of you might be wondering, why on earth is she sharing this? As I began to share about my infertility battle the last go around, I began hearing the stories of people around me. Infertility and miscarriages and many broken hearts. I decided that God has given me this story to share. Infertility sucks. It's mourning broken dreams. Mourning the loss of something that most people can achieve easily. I have to ask myself this time, should I sit in silence and cry alone over a negative pregnancy test? Is God not good if I never get pregnant again?
      Right before my last found of treatments in 2015 I finally accepted the fact that God is good even if I never have any children. It's still true. God didn't leave my womb empty though. He did the impossible. I have a feisty red headed 2 year old sleeping down the hall to prove it. What my body couldn't, God did. He did the same thing in the grave. He rose from the dead and conquered sin and death forever. Friends, we have hope.  God is a good God. God can do the impossible and he does it when he wants to. When I look in my daughter's eyes, I know she came at the perfect time. He loves us. He hears our cry. He holds us when that treatment fails. He holds us when we pull in the church parking lot and we see 50 Honda Odysseys and wonder if we will ever need one because we can't have multiple children. He loves us so much he would give himself up for us. If we seek him to find peace, we will find it. So, if you are in the midst of a battle, fall on Jesus. Let him carry you through this. Let him refresh you. Let him give you rest.

He leads me beside still waters.
3     He restores my soul.He leads me in paths of righteousness    for his name's sake.

Pslam 23:2-3